I’m finding you being at school really hard. I feel like I hardly see you, even though it’s exactly the same hours as before the summer holidays. So this feeling of loss and unhappiness is silly but it is there non-the less. I miss you sweetie in a way I am finding it hard to deal with.
I pick you up from school and you are shattered from your day of learning and play. Of course you are tired, it’s a big change. Nearly every day I have picked you up you don’t want to see me anyway. You are busy playing with your friend or you are at your Nan and Granddads. Each time I get you in the car you cry because you are exhausted and it hurts. Daft I know but I have spent all day waiting to get back to you that it’s upsetting.
I know deep down that you want to see me. We have a beautiful moment before you fall to sleep each night where we cuddle and have stories. I have found myself spending my whole day waiting for those 20mins together. To have you to myself like I did for the whole of the summer. I need you my darling as much as you need me. I am finding myself sneaking in to your room at night just to hold you hand and watch you sleep.
You asked me this morning with tears in your eyes if it could be the summer again. You wanted mommy and I wanted nothing more than to call into work sick and spend the day with you. I know it’s a bad habit to start and obviously I did not do it but my, how I wanted to. Time is going by so fast, quicker than I can handle. Each day facebook shows me memories that feel like last week but they are 2 years ago now. And I simply cannot take a hold of it and grasp how.
I don’t know why I am getting so upset over it. I am sitting here crying as I write this. Most will find me pathetic I am sure. Maybe I am just an hormonal mess. But surely I am not the only mama who feels like this. I suppose the summer, for all its amazing parts, is to blame for this. We were inseparable for 6 solid weeks and I feel like I have lost my left arm without you by my side. I miss playtimes and I miss rainy days. I miss the park and the shopping trips. I miss my little girl.
This being a working mommy is turning out a lot harder than I could ever imagine it would be …
Until next time
Mommy xx
BonfireMom 
I completely understand that bittersweet ache of loss. I felt that way about my son and now about my grandchildren. Its irrational when it hits, but its an essential part of love and letting go. Lovely post!
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Thank you hun. Completely agree, its irrational but I seem to be better now that I have gotten it out.
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This was very touching Sarah! I understand how you feel. I, myself, am preparing for my daughter’s eventual departure to college next year. I remembered her as a young child, clinging to me, unsure of what the big world has in store for her. She spent every waking moment with me, enjoying anything and everything we did as father and daughter. Now, she’s an independent, strong, young woman that’s chomping at the bits to get out there and discover all the possibilities that are at her feet. *sniff, sniff* I don’t know how I’m going to cope when that time comes. Maybe, I’ll follow your example and pen a letter to her and give it to her before she starts her life’s journey.
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Thank you! I don’t think I will every be able to cope with college! It seems light years away but I know when we get there it will be another blink and miss it moment! I have found I am feeling much better now that I have written this out, it was very therapeutic. I would recommend it for you too Mark! xx
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Very sweet words. I remember feeling the same — and now that my littles are bigs and my oldest (20) stayed behind in Denver instead of making our recent move to South Carolina, my heart aches all over again! Being a mom and feeling that ache to make time stand still a little while doesn’t get easier with time, but you learn to embrace each stage all that much more.
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Thank you for your lovely words. I find taking a moment at each stage just to take it all in really helps!
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