Bloody rain, it’s driving me demented. I have a garden, full of lovely toys like swings and a trampoline so that I can keep the small human entertained at home. For free! Fabulous. Well what blooming use to me is it when its fecking raining all the time. Why have I parted with £££ again and again to have these ornaments take over my landscape. Pissing Britain. Ruining all my plans.
So what are the options when it’s raining?
Well first off, she has a playroom filled to the brim with toys. You’d think she’d happily play in there, but oh no. She doesn’t like the sound on the conservatory roof when it rains, so she spends half the time dragging out her toys to the living room and then gets bored after 5mins and watches her iPad. Meanwhile I’m playing dodge the blind bag toy so that I don’t pierce my foot on the tail of a ‘my little pony.’ Then she looses her shit when the Ponies aren’t all in order, or when Bing won’t walk on the carpet like he does on the tiles, and it gets to the point where I yell ‘Whatever isn’t tidied away in the next 5mins is going on the carboot’ until some peace is restored. Meh, NEXT!
There is always the option to do something *gulp* crafty. Whilst this will always seem a great idea on the surface, it will always, without fail, go to shit. Either she will get bored after five mins and just mix every paint colour together, or she will start painting my floors. Glitter pots will be opened up everywhere and that crap will be in your carper FOREVER. I went out and brought actual crafty activities once. The first one went well, however she soon got bored when the glitter pens ran out and the sticky gems has finished. Then she finds other crafty things. Like the fingerpaint ink pad someone broughg her, which she decided to ink paint half of her toys and her brand new bloody dressing gown which went down a storm I can tell you.
So what’s next, where do you go from that point onwards? Well you could always venture into the murky world of soft play. Where you pay nearly a fiver to entertain your child. At first they run off like it’s the best thing in the world. Fab you think, I’ll order a coffee and relax. But oh no, they sense the opening of your purse like a rabid dog and whoosh they are at your side and require EVERYTHING. Suddenly they are starving hungry and dying of thirst all at once. They need a slush puppie and a packet of crisps pronto. You buy it so they bugger back off but nope, now they want to ‘sit with mommy’. Sod off you think, go and play. Soft play with an only child sucks, so I always try and rope a mate into it so that they can entertain each other and we can have a natter. Well for 5mins before they are starving again and want you to pay a further £5 for 2 nuggets and a cold handful of chips.
Maybe you are clever and think you will try a cinema day. Yay, you think, the big screen can parent and I can nap. Nope. It costs a min of £10 to get in and then you get fobbed off with buying popcorn and sweets. The stuff you have smuggled in from pound land before hand just will not cut it! You sit down and your little treasure has drank the whole fruit shoot in a nano second and you just know that 10mins in to the start they are going to need a wee. Again. The trailers bore them and they simply want to know when Poppy/ a smurf / Elsa is coming on the screen. If you are lucky your child becomes engrossed in it all and sits still. If you are like me your child gets up to dance with every song, asks about a gazillion questions and then gets bored 5 mins before the end.
So what else could we do to pass the time? I try and pop to the garden centre, because our local once has a fairy trail. I pop wellies and a coat on her and off we trot. For ages this worked, because she would happily walk around looking at all the pretty little things and we would come home, get dry and have a hot drink. But the buggers have now installed a new café there, which means she wants cake and a drink at the garden centre Dammit. It was hard enough trying to manhandle her out of the shop and away from the £10 mini fairies for her own garden.
Your last resort could always be swimming. But that means shaving my legs so feck that.
So what do we normally do when it rains and you don’t want to allow your child to sit on their iPad watching blind bags being unopened (why on earth I just don’t know)? Well to be honest with you all, it’s normally a point where I bundle Evie up in the car and sod off to Nanny and Granddads with a surprise! Look who has come to visit face. That or a film on the TV (Thank the lord for Sky Cinema Disney) with the hope that she will fall asleep. So that I can fall asleep too!
Until next time …