If there is one thing I have noticed since becoming a mom it is that noting is sacred or private anymore. And that is not just down to the small human who dominates your life. Suddenly your private lives are topic for discussion between everyone and it seems as though this is the same for many. Being a parent to an ‘only’ child brings, what feels like, the worst out in people. Everyone has an opinion on your life … here are a few examples.
- ‘Isn’t she lonely’.
Let’s start off with the big one. This one gets right on my nerves. The amount of people who say having one child is not fair; that she will be lonely and needs a sibling is insane. I find it an incredibly rude comment and feel confused that anyone feels as though they can comment on anyone else’s family dynamic. You have no idea if we want another child or not, are trying or not, maybe its not working or maybe someone has lost a child. You literally have no idea and it needs to stop being an open topic of conversation. Families who have decided to stop at one child have done so for their own reasons, and families who are struggling to conceive another don’t want to hear your opinion. So shut up.
- ‘Only children are spoilt’
Well that is subjective. It would be like me saying that families with more than one child are deprived. Yes, Evie does get a lot of our time, attention and money. She is not a bad kid, and when we think she has enough we stop. I do find myself trying to fight against the idea of a spoilt only child but to be honest we all spoil our children in one way or another.
- ‘Only children have no social skills’
Bullcrap. Evie is the most outgoing person I have ever met. She has always been around other children and adults and is perfectly fine. If anything I think that because she is an only child she thrives around others because it is a chance to play! She loves having friends round and getting to share her toys with them, as apparently I don’t do the voices right.
- ‘What happens when you die?’
Okay this is the only thing that does worry me, that if she remains an only child there will come a time when Matt and I are no longer here and I worry she will be alone. I hope at that point she will be happy and older, maybe with a family of her own. But I know she has fantastic cousins and other family members who will always be there for her, my girl will never be lonely if she keeps them close.
- ‘Only kids are bossy’.
To be frank, I am not an only child and I am bossy. If she gets a sibling she will be the older sister, just like me. She will still be bossy. I prefer to call it strong and independent.
- ‘You don’t understand how hard it is’
This one is another massive bug bear of mine. I have some friends who I have confided to in the past when I have found things hard and been greeted by how I don’t understand hard, because I ‘Only have one’. I find this very unfair. Having multiple children is always going to be harder, and I am aware of that but I do not require you to belittle my struggles, as they are not the same as yours. My one child is all I know and so when I say its hard, I am finding it hard for me. I do not need to be made to feel bad because you have 4 children and I do not. 1, 4, or 8 children will always be hard work. It’s not a competition.
Who knows what the future may hold for any of us. She may remain and only child, she may not. I mean she is only 3 years old, give us a chance! But on behalf of other parents of 1 child, please, unless asked or confided in stop asking us when the next one is coming. You may not like our reply.
Until next time …