When Evie was a baby I always thought that I would manage to be one of those moms who would somehow be able to find a job that fitted around work. I actually looked forward to being able to do drop off and pick ups, and just catch the day to day feels of how my little girl had got on at school.
Unfortunately it hasn’t worked out that way, and I find myself feeling a bit guilty about how I’m not taking her there or picking her up. Don’t get me wrong, she is taken to school by the loveliest lady and is picked up by either her or my dad. Evie loves it, but it hasn’t stopped me feeling like it should be me doing that.
Some mornings are hard, getting Evie up and out the door before 8am. I was insistent that she was to have breakfast with me and so her day starts at 7am so I can get her ready in time, and have that hour with her before school, though it whizzes by every day! I get Evie up and washed and dressed, make sure she eats a proper breakfast and then do her hair, all whilst getting myself ready. I find myself rushing every morning by 7:45 and I always catch myself thinking how much easier it would be if I was taking her into school myself.
We would be able to have a much more chilled morning with that extra hour to get ready. I could make her things like pancakes or scrambled eggs for breakfast, the things that are currently reserved for the weekends. I wouldn’t be nagging her to get a move on, or desperately just throwing her hair up in a bun when the time runs out. We could walk to school together, and have a bit of time for just us. Its things like that I feel like I am missing out on. I’d love to pick her up from the school gates and ask her about her day, and see the excitement in her eyes whilst the information is still fresh in her mind. And not just the ‘don’t know’ response I get when I get to her by 5pm.
I know this wouldn’t be the case, and in the real world we would just sleep longer and would therefore be rushing around just as much, I would still be shouting that we are running late and no doubt some mornings I would have no choice but to use the car to go 30 seconds up the road because we would be that late!
I know I am not the only mama who feels like this. Working moms are up and down the country doing the same thing, and I should count my blessings that I work in education and therefore I have the luxury of being home each half term, something that I know how lucky I am to be able to do. I think it doesn’t matter whatever you do, you always wish there was more that you could be there for. Things like this week for instance, Evie has a nursery workshop where parents/carers/grandparents are welcome to come in and see what they kiddies are up to. However I had to leave early last week for parents evening and so I simply cannot go. Evie wasn’t bothered, she wanted her Grandad there anyway but I felt that familiar pang of guilt in the pit of my stomach because I should be there. Mama guilt has got me bad, and it sucks!
Until next time …