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Dear Mrs Smug Mama

From writing this blog, and from being friends with others who have small humans, I have come to the general agreed viewpoint that many of us find this whole game a little harder than we first thought we would. But we all muddle on through it together and manage to get through this day by day, year by year until apparently we blink and they have flown the nest. Insert weepy noises here.

However, from my time in birth groups and on netmums/babycentre, I have learnt there is a select few mamas who are a bunch of …. Bumheads. There always seems to be a clique of them, like the popular girls who had older boyfriends at highschool. The kind of mamas who have a forum signature that states they naturally hypnobirthed a small whale whom EBF (Exclusively breast feeds), follows BLW (baby lead weaning) and can probably speak 4 languages. Or some shite like that.

I have always thought about why certain births and choices are worn like a badge of honor and achievement over others. Why a natural, drug free labor is seen as the pinnacle of everything and anything else is second best. This makes no sense to me, as surely a safe arrival of a healthy child is what we are all aiming for. However this occurs should ne neither here nor there. I mean I put my hands up to C-section mamas because Holy Heck could I have dealt with a small human after major abdominal surgery.

I gave birth naturally, in the sense that a small human exited my vagina. Blunt but true. But if I was told, and I very nearly was told, that I needed a cesarean I would have done so. I went into hospital thinking that I must have a drug free birth, but news flash, it kind of fucking hurts and I am the kinda gal that takes a tablet for a headache and well this hurt more than a headache. I can remember the feeling of failure afterwards because I had taken the drug and the best advice I got was from the midwife who said who cares. And she is right. No one gives a toss. The same way that no one give a toss about how you parent, crunchy or non crunchy, as long as your child is looked after in a safe and well manner and you are not raising safeguarding concerns, leave each other alone.

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Does it really matter what type of a mother you are, as long as you are doing your best?

From the second you take the small human home there is this feeling of judgment. And there is always the perfect mom, sitting there behind her iPhone ready to type out some bollocks to make you feel crap. I am not stuck in my way with anything in regards to raising a child. Personally breast-feeding didn’t work for us, I wasn’t keen on cloth nappies, BLW confused me because surely it just means feeding your child, which I was doing. Of course I tried to limit the amount of salt and sugar Evie consumed but I wasn’t a flipping tyrant over it. She had ice cream; she had a chip off our plate in the pub and I am 99% sure her Grandad dipped a dummy in his pint of shandy and gave it to her. And I know there is a bunch of mamas who would loose their shit over that, and to be frank I simply do not care. It worked for us, and we have a happy child as the result of it. If we had another who breast-fed, and cloth bummed, then ace lets have some new experiences. If not then cool, I know what I am doing.

I don’t care, because I am too busy judging myself to be bother what others think. So I am certainly too busy to judge those mamas. I have my own thoughts and opinions about vaccinations, education, feeding and much else. However these are my opinions, and I would never appose them on someone else. If I am asked, and I feel comfortable I will voice them, but I won’t judge you because you do things differently to me. If your child and my child are both safe and well, there is nothing more to it.

 

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What my birth plan should have said. 

So smug mamas, go be smug somewhere else and I shall sit here and drink my non-decaf coffee whilst my child is probably eating her 5th froobe of the day. She’s happy, I’m happy, what’s it you?

 

Until next time …

 

Sarah xx

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