Wow. What a long ass term. I feel so emotionally drained, my body aches and I so need this rest.
This is a hard post to write, because a) I cannot go into the details of what is causing me to feel like this due to work and b) because I don’t really know if it has a purpose. It’s not funny; its not entertaining it is just me, finding everything so bloody well hard.
And I mean that. Everything is hard. Getting up in the morning is becoming harder because you know the day ahead of you is harder. The black cloud that hangs upon my head is getting bigger and bigger and I am failing to see how I am even able to stop it anymore. People think I am fine, because I am always so happy and smiley but fine does not cover what I am really thinking or feeling. I am not fine. I am tired.
I work somewhere that is so hard and so rewarding all at once. To help those who cannot find hope and help anywhere else is always going to be amazing but hard. You have to give so much of yourself that sometimes there feels like there is not much left over to help yourself.
I have found myself counting down the hours to half term, because I know I need a week away from it all to recharge ‘me’. I know that being with Evie will bring back my sparkle, my laughter and my want to make a change. Being with Evie will kick this ‘fuck this’ attitude to the curb where it well and truly belongs.
I need some time for my girl, to be her mommy and just that. I need cuddles and films. My little pony cartoons and walks in the park. I think she needs it too. She is tired and all schooled out at the moment. Luckily Matt is off with us too and we can have our first full week together as a family since the May half term. I cannot wait.
I hope that after half term I can come back with my can do attitude. With my want to help and inspire others to come back. Fingers crossed eh ….
Until next time …