I don’t know why I have found this so hard to do for such a while. I absolutely love/d writing for my blog and yet I was suddenly overcome with an anxiety behind it. Like no one was truly interested in what I had to say. Which I know is silly because so many of you viewed my posts. It was like I suddenly felt there was no purpose to it all.
At First I assumed it was writers block. I worried my posts just seemed like I was not enjoying parenthood (which could not be further from the truth). I had seen so many comments in the media about how others don’t enjoy reading about the barrage of mothers who have a humorous view to parenting. That they thought it was disgusting to allow you child to eat the bag of wotsits they found down the side of their car seat (In my defense I never actually ‘let’ her, I simply turned round and saw her eating them with no idea as to where they had come from!?)
I think I was reading too deeply into status’s on facebook where people I was once close to wrote things such as ‘ I wish these mothers would stop complaining about their kids like they are a burden’. While this was never directly tagged as being towards me I think my anxiety played a big part in my mind going 2 + 2 = 5. I’m not proud of how my mind assumed it was about me but I think I was just in a rather down period and silly assumptions jump from my mind all the time … (Like when Manthing wanted to stay up and finish watching his film and I assumed it meant something else, deeper down, and I escalated the whole situation from nothing).
It’s taken me a few weeks to realise that this blog was actually assisting my anxiety. There’s not many who think of me as down and reclusive, as I can be very good at putting on an act. Some people see it as just those who keep themselves locked up in doors, but that is far from the truth! So I am going to give this go. Bare with me if I stumble!
Until next time …